It was shortly after sunrise and I was about half way around the loop drive on the refuge when I spotted some movement in the trees. It was a magnificent whitetail buck with massive antlers, his neck swollen as a sure sign of the rut. I edged the old pickup off the side of the road, eased the big lens onto the window mount, and waited for this monster to step into a clearing. Casually he slipped though the brush, aware but seemingly unalarmed by my presence in the vehicle.

"Just a few more feet big boy and I'll have you" I thought as the light was getting better by the moment.

"Ba Ding Dong Ding Ding Dong" went my cell phone shattering the stillness. The buck jerked his head around and looked at me as if to say, "You're trying to photograph wildlife with a cell phone turned on? You gotta be s------g me."

"Yes Dear," I answered with a glace at the caller ID while watching the rear end of the buck disappear into the woods.

"My sister's grand-daughter is getting married this weekend. They can't afford a professional wedding photographer. I told them you'd do it, "she said matter-of-factly.

"But I'm a nature and wildlife guy," I moaned, "I don't do weddings."

"Remember that new digital camera body you've been wanting? Maybe, just maybe, I could be persuaded to hold off buying those new drapes for the living room if you could see your way to do this one little favor," she logically explained.

She had me! Minolta was finally coming out with a digital body that would fit all my lenses and was due to hit the market any day now. I caved in.

The night before the wedding, I'm enjoying my customary happy hour with my favorite beverage when, as it often does during this period, I was struck with a brilliant idea.

I could use my wife's little Sony digital to photograph the wedding. My mind raced with the possibilities. I could do the wedding, upload the images to an on-line processor, let the bride and groom choose their own prints, and I could wash my hands of the whole affair. That's the answer. What could possibly go wrong? There was just one thought, however that tried repeatedly to penetrate my foggy brain but never quite pulled it off. Something about never, ever taking a camera you're unfamiliar with on an important photo shoot....dumb butt: Or words to that effect.

The big day came and I had no sooner arrived at the church when I got my first hint that this wedding might be just a tad out of the ordinary. The groom roared up on a Harley Davidson motorcycle the size of Siberia, along with a couple dozen of his friends. Large men (and women) sporting black leathers with fringe, earrings, boots, beards, and chains dangling from belt loops dismounted from their massive machines in an impressive display of power, chrome, and exhaust fumes. (O.K. the women didn't have beards...or maybe one did). I was introduced to the best man who had a tattoo with the name Mad Dawg on his bulging left bicep. Mr. Dawg, I was told, would help out with the photography.

The ceremony began. I positioned myself at the front of the sanctuary to get the traditional shot of the bride being escorted down the aisle by her father. The little Sony's flash fired OK but I wanted another shot or two to make sure I got it. I mash the shutter button or whatever they call them on these digital devices, and get...nothing. By the time I realize the small battery has a long recycle time and is still charging, bride and daddy are about to trample me. One shot would have to do. It was about this time I noticed little symbols flashing on the LCD screen. One looked like a little light bulb. One was an orange thingy. And what was that single black dot about?

"Please be sure and get the kiss," the bride had told me earlier. "My fiancé is kind of shy and it probably won't last long."

Right. This guy looked about as shy as Hagar the Horrible but I listened carefully to the vows and when the time neared I made one more check of the camera to make sure all was set. It was off! No ON light! Apparently this piece of junk turned itself off to save battery life. I jab at the switch and am greeted with a merry little tune that sounded almost exactly like my cell phone. "Ba Ding Dong Ding Ding Dong". Mad Dawg jerked his head around and gave me a withering look that seemed to say. "You're trying to photograph a wedding with a camera like that? You gotta be s------g me!"

The ceremony finally ended and it was time for the group shots. I lined up parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, small children, neighbors, friends, former friends, the trash collector, and a few who had just walked in off the street for a free meal. Then Mr. Dawg and his friends lined them all up again for THEIR SHOTS. At some point the pastor walks in and says,

"We have GOT to wind this up folks! There are people growing old in the reception room out here."

"Okay everyone," I yell. "That's it."

"Did you get the bride and the groom?" snarls Mad Dawg.

"Oh, almost forgot, hee, hee. Thanks for the little reminder there M.D."

Later that evening, trying to relax with a very tall glass of relaxer, the Mrs. And I review the photos on the PC.

"The groom's mother's eyes are closed," she critiques.

"I couldn't tell with that tiny screen." I counter.

"Why is the bouquet that the bride tossed not in the picture," she asks?

"Well, it seems that many of these digital cameras have a little delay in them."

"Some of these are light and some of them are dark," she continues.

I stammered. "Okay, there's this thing called spot metering see and I think there's a chance it was turned on at the time" {the little black dot.) (I never did figure out the orange thingy.)

"Maybe you should stick with nature photography," she scowls.

"That's what I've been trying to tell...."

"And by the way," she says, leaving the room. "I ordered the drapes."

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